Its been a week...

It's had been a week.. Are you doing better without me? I am not doing fine. Got too much flashback.

I can't even sleep well every since things between us started to fall apart. I am trying very hard to move on.. I am really try to be happy.. But I guess I just pretend to be happy..

We had so much memories, we had so much, we had gone thru so much.. I didn't know until things fall apart.. It's really not easy at all. 8 years, it's not easy to move.. I really miss you so much, so badly.. I don't know what I can.. I do all sort of things to numb myself, but i still find myself crying.. I am hanging.. I don't know if to really move or wait for you.. Many people say, lets natural take it course.. Of cus by saying is easy.. I don't know why things changed so sudden. Maybe is me.. Mayb you just wanna have fun, you're not ready for any commitment  after a good 8 years? Sound so vulnerable.. I am trying.. Trying to adapt everything.. 

Just went bintan on the 4th july-6th july, and we were so happy.. We almost found back, what we lost this few years. The happiness is unexplainable. It's short though. I wrote you letters.. I think you don't bother to read it or you might had forgotten it.. Sigh.. I am struggling. Damn struggling.. 

Do you miss me like i do? Do you want me back so badly like i do? Will we be better if we get back? Will we be better if we really move on with our life.. There's so much to remember.. Its not 8 days.. is a freaking 8 years.. I am trying very hard to change myself.. Trying very hard to occupy my timing.. I guess you had already move on.. and i think you're happy with your life now. Only can blame me for not treasuring you.. Until today, when i read back everything.. I realised you really love me so much. I am the one not treasuring, not appreciating .. A msg from you will really make me happy.. Not any msg yet from you. It's seriously killing me inside and I'm dying.. I really hope you will remember the time back then 5 years ago.. When you're in your army days, I am there. When you're out of wallaby, I am there. When you ord, I am there. When you came out started working.. When we had lil money, I am there. When you're out oversea working, I am there. Every year my bday aft your army days started, you're not there. BUT I am there. I didn't leave you when you had nothing.. Now you left me, and I had nothing left.. Nothing..

You told me you will be back.. You told me to wait. You told me to give you the time you needed. I am there. What about you? You didn't even gimme a msg asking how am I ? Tell me you misses me. 

If you really had moved on, please tell me can.. Don't be selfish.. Cus you will hurt me even more........